Feeling the Burn

So it was 2.5 weeks ago now, my dog had a freak accident while hiking. She's fine now, but it took one regular vet visit, then another, then an emergency vet visit, then I think two more follow-up vet visits....and the wound just closed a few days ago. It was not pleasant. Also, a few days ago, I had an arthrogram done. That is basically torture. I think it's illegal to do that shit to prisoners of war. Fuck me. It was so miserable.

All that to say it's been a rough few weeks. Should I be cranky about all that? Probably not, but I've never been that well-adjusted, so I am. Also, I'm pretty sure that arthrogram single-handedly (or needle-ly as the case may be) gave me adrenal fatigue. I haven't been this tired in maybe years. Therefore yes, I am disgruntled.

Now, the worse part of all this is that because of my recent focus on FIRE, I'm doubly upset. All that "a dollar saved works twice for you - what you saved and what you make from investing it!" bullshit. I had goals to achieve. Now, between my and my dog's misfortune, I am definitively not hitting them. My tax return is spent. It made me so cranky that I was even cranky when I talked to my grandmother, which is not cool.

I think the moral of the story here is that it's good to be frugal, but I wonder: At what cost? Should you really be expending this kind of cognitive energy and kicking yourself in the ass about these sorts of things? Mostly from a financial perspective, I regret the emergency vet visit. (I cannot, under any circumstances, regret the visits to my usual vet. Penetrating chest wound for Christ's sake.) I regret the arthrogram too, although that one is split more 80/20 towards the pain more than the $300+ bill I'm likely to get. (Realistically, that will probably shift once I get the bill and don't remember the pain quite as vividly). I regret being cranky towards my family because I was focused on finances. All of this is compounded because when you start thinking about how much this all cost you, it triggers this thought process of I should have known better. Yeah, if I had known more about subcutaneous emphysema and what that was, I might not have been so quick to take my dog to the emergency vet. I can't get over all the self-blame and 20/20 hindsight over what I could do differently.

It's super easy to say, "Well, that was an expensive lesson, but I learned this from it and I won't make that mistake again!" Fuck that shit. The mistakes just compound. While I am usually a bit...skeptical...of the FIRE thing in general, this episode is definitely souring me more than the worst self-righteous blog post. I think Suze Orman is right; she says to put people first, then money, then things. I am starting to think that is much healthier view than what you're going to get from most FIRE sites.

Which takes me back more towards my normal thought processes...why haven't I seen a post like this on a FIRE blog yet? Everything's all unicorns shitting rainbows on there.

Is it just me???


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